I am not okay, I finally realized this after trying to deal with my mental health for the past 3-4 months. At first, I thought it was just stress from all of the issues happening in my personal life. I kept thinking it was going to get better, that I have to be strong for the ones I care about. It never got better, anxiety crept back in and depression swept me away. I was numb, tired, and all of the projects I had been working on simply fell apart. My writing suffered, my loved ones had to watch me fall apart, and I kept fighting my monsters alone.
Going to the doctor was something I feared but I knew seeking help was necessary if I wanted to regain my spark. Not going to lie, I cried at least four different times while telling my doctor what has been happening and she calmed me down before telling me it was going to be okay. The medication I was on is apparently notorious for failing to work in the long run. All I had to do was take the first dose of my new medication and it felt like I could breathe. The feelings that had consumed me have been calmed and I could actually go to sleep without worrying about everything. I can’t wait to finally regain my spark, to be able to enjoy the world again, and finish my novel. It does get better, you just have to accept that you can’t fight this alone and to always monitor how effective your medicine is.
I guess I wrote this because so at least one person can learn that it is okay to not be okay. Medicine can fail, things change, and it is important to realize when you need help. Also, I needed to explain why I dropped off the face of the Earth on here! I will keep you updated as I adjust to this new medication and hopefully I will be sharing some amazing content with y’all!
I hope y’all have an amazingly literary day,
P.S. If any of y’all are going through a tough spot in your life and need someone to talk to, just let me know so we can connect. You are not alone